Are "Real Men" Unemotional?

I was born in 1970, toward the beginning of the so-called "Generation X," so I was able to see a transition between the traditional and newer ways.  Some traditions are very good, and should be maintained or recovered.  Other traditions were not so good, and they needed to go.  Some still need to go.

One tradition I would like to address quickly has to do with what it takes to be "manly."  Once again, on the hinge between the "old" and the "new," I've been witness to different paradigms of "manly" conduct.  In previous generations, it seemed that the manly template was a fellow who was emotionally quite buttoned-down.  To be manly, you weren't allowed to be mushy, to cry, or to be vulnerable.  You had to be the impassive, detached rock from whom everyone else would supposedly draw strength.  As the hinge began to turn, however, the idea of the emotionally-aloof man came under fire.  The traditional "manly" template seems to be passing away.  Should it?  Or, are we younger men becoming spineless wimps?  What most interests me, however, is not how Americans conceive of the "real man."  I want to know how the Bible defines manly behavior.

What about this premise: "real men are unemotional and must show no vulnerabilities?"  It is a false premise, and unbiblical to boot.  It was a commonly-held premise in men from about the baby boom generation and previous, but it has since been largely discarded, thank goodness.  It did more harm than good.  I still believe that our wives and kids should be able to look to us for strength and assurance--but believe me, they don't draw an ounce of security from a husband or Dad who cannot express love or let them know that it is safe and healthy to have deep emotions.  In fact, detached husbands and Dads often unknowingly cause deep insecurities that will plague family members for years.  Remember, the only way we men can lead is by example.

Now for the Biblical part.  Biblically, man is assigned spiritual headship over the family unit, but "headship" is not the same thing as "boss."  God makes us men to be stewards of our wives and children, with the task of helping them to grow as close in relationship to Christ as possible, and guiding them to discover the fullest flowering of the gifts and destinies that God has placed on their lives.  This is the meaning of the teaching of Ephesians 5:21-33, if you would like to read that passage.  I recommend it.

Now, God has created all of us, male and female, to be very much emotional beings.  God Himself is emotional (Jesus is the perfect representation of the Father, and it is obvious that Jesus has very deep emotions).  Though our spiritual lives transcend emotions, emotions are nonetheless tightly woven into our spiritual lives.  Thus, in order to be healthy spiritually, it is absolutely necessary to be emotionally healthy as well.

Let us return to the Biblically-defined role of the husband as the spiritual steward of his family.  If we men want to guide our families to discover maximum spiritual health, we must therefore guide them to emotional health as a key component of that goal.  If we set a tone of emotional distance and un-approachability,  our children (and particularly our sons) will not get the nurture they need to be both emotionally and spiritually mature.  Our wives, in particular, need strong emotional bonding in their relationships, especially with their husbands.  If we stand aloof emotionally, their hearts will not receive the emotional nurture they need to become everything they can be, spiritually, for the Lord.

Even though men are LESS reliant on emotion than our wives, we nonetheless still require vigorous emotional health to guide our families to emotional and spiritual health as well.  We cannot share what we do not have.  For men to be emotionally healthy, we too must allow ourselves to feel deeply and be vulnerable enough to let our wives, children, and male friends, strengthen us both emotionally and spiritually.  We cannot be helped unless we let ourselves be vulnerable.  So, emotionality and vulnerability are essential for our health, and for our ability to fulfill our God-given task of the spiritual stewardship of our families.

Therefore, Biblically, real and God-serving men must be both emotional and vulnerable in order to be successful in fulfilling our purpose.