"God never gives us more than we can handle." I'm sure you've heard this one, a bunch of times. Usually, you hear it given out as sage advice when a church member, friend, or neighbor experiences a devastating loss. Now, it sounds like a true thing, and even a Biblical thing. It also gives people something to say when they are desperately trying to come up with something that is comforting. They want to encourage their friend or loved one, and to bolster their faith in God.
Those who utter this maxim do so with good intent--we must give them credit for what they are trying to do. On the other hand, have you ever stood in a circle of caring around a grieving person (maybe at a funeral visitation) and someone has tried to comfort the aggrieved by the famous saying, "God never gives us more than we can handle?" Have you experienced the instant increase in awkwardness and tension right afterward? If your experience matches mine, the hurting individual has not appeared to be even slightly comforted by these magic words. In fact, they've often gotten quiet, and looked even more wounded than before. You can see it in their eyes: "Whatever you may think about that, this is more than I can handle. Does that make me a poor Christian? On top of all this hurt, is God also disappointed in me because my faith isn't strong enough?"
So, I thought we could spend a few minutes examining the truth of this time-worn saying. Is it Biblical? And if it is Biblical, is that what the verse really means?
People have extrapolated this famous saying from 1 Corinthians 10:13, which in the NIV says, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
Now, having given you the verse, I need to point out a couple of features that most folks miss, and so fail to understand the verse fully.
1) Take a look at the context. What is the theme of the whole chapter? It's about how Israel caved into the temptation to sin and idolatry. Paul wrote this to the church in Corinth as a warning not to fall down the same slide that had brought on Israel's destruction. So the chief meaning of "temptation" in this verse is "temptation to sin," which Paul says all of us face.
2) The word study books I have suggest that the Greek work for "temptation" (I won't bore you with the word) also includes "trials" in general. This could mean adverse circumstance, hardship, etc. that puts our faith and character to the test. Although that's not really the context of this passage, let's say for the sake of argument that Paul also meant "hard times" by this verse. Even if that's so, (which I don't really buy because of the clear context of the chapter) there are a few other features that we need to notice to get the correct understanding:
3) These temptations are "common to mankind." In other words, none of us ever face a temptation or hardship that is unique. So God doesn't make unique bad things happen to us to see if we sink or swim--whenever we face hard circumstances, they're the very same hard circumstances that thousands or millions are going through, right now. It's just part of being a mortal human being. Part of the package.
4) Remember the caution we're given in James 1:13-14...."13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed." God isn't in the "tempting business", with the hard times that tempt us to abandon our faith. He's in the "victory OVER temptation" business, as we see here:
5) Look at those words in verse 13 again: "God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." This shows us that God does keep a limit on the temptations He will allow us to endure, mindful of where we are in our walk with Him. We see that acted out in the Book of Job, when God placed outer limits on Satan's activity in Job's life. God does shepherd our experiences in this way. He's a good and loving Father, and He keeps our souls safe if we'll trust Him.
6) The last point is this: God doesn't allow experiences based on what WE can handle; we can't actually handle anything. When we think of things realistically, our individual strength and faith will break down in the presence of trials. Humans just don't have it in them. The real meaning, balanced by the rest of what God teaches us in the Bible, is that any temptation (or trial) needs more than human strength--we absolutely need God's strength as He walks alongside of us and provides the resources we need for each challenge. He doesn't sit back and watch to see if we sink or swim. He gets right down with us in the midst of trials and gives us the strength and victory we could never experience on our own. As it says in John 15:5, apart from God (on our own), we can do NOTHING. But when we abide constantly with Him, never going off on our own, but walking right by His side, we experience the truth of the promise that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
So the next time you're hurting, take it with a little grain of salt if someone tells you, "God never gives us anything we can't handle." Be patient with them. They mean well. They can see you're hurting, and they really want to encourage you. However, give yourself permission to admit that you actually can't handle the situation. Also, realize that God doesn't expect you to handle it--not on your own. That is why He is right by your side, and if you'll let Him, He'll take you by the hand and lead you through that dark valley. He will supply His strength where yours is lacking. And one day you'll realize you see a little light at the end of the tunnel. You won't know how you've made it that far--and that will be because your Father was carrying you.
And if you're at the side of a grieving friend, I'd encourage you to remain there, quietly, and let that feeling of loss be what it is. You don't have to come up with anything to make it go away--God will see to that, with time. Your mere, caring presence will be an unspoken sign to the hurting that God is right there with them as well. As you grieve with them, it's a sign that God is grieving with them, too. And really, that's the most powerful thing you can say to a person who feels lost and alone.
