I am a fan of history--the farthest thing from an expert, but just a very interested dabbler. As I read history, I especially appreciate the insights I gain on human nature and its pitfalls. I’m currently getting quite near the end of a large tome on the war in Vietnam. That subject holds particular interest to me, because my father fought in Vietnam, with the U.S. Army, from late 1965 through mid 1968. I am always trying to wrap my mind around what sort of experiences he must have had.
The book I have nearly completed deals extensively with the decision-making processes that led our nation’s leaders into our embroilment in Vietnam, and what led them into the mistakes they made. Please note immediately that I am not making a political statement on the war itself; I am quite proud of my father and his service. Nonetheless, I do feel some mistakes were made by the political and military leadership at the time. I was somewhat amazed that in both the Kennedy and Johnson administrations, there seemed to be a predilection toward hearing only the sort of news they wanted to hear. In other words, there was a bias toward hearing good news, at the expense of accurate information. Those who came with glowing reports were rewarded and promoted; those who issued warnings were shunted aside and in some cases even dismissed. Diplomats and military leaders figured this out quite readily, and several tended to skew their reports so that everything was made to look rosy. Again, this wasn’t always the truth, but they knew that’s what their superiors wanted to hear. Sadly, this bias sometimes led to very ill-informed decisions, and it cost lives.
Behind the historical facts, which are hotly debated, there is a lesson that is timeless. I think there is definitely a tendency in people which preconditions them to accept only those things they want to hear and see. We often read only books or articles which agree with our viewpoints. We tend to select friends who see eye-to-eye with us. We want to see ourselves in the best possible light, and can choose not to see parts of our character that are less-than-desirable. On the other hand, we often try to distance ourselves from viewpoints and people that challenge, disagree with, or criticize us. We grouse about that unpleasant co-worker or boss, and try our best to avoid them. We might disqualify potential friends because they disagree with us or rub us the wrong way. We even tend to shun Christian brothers or sisters for the same reasons. In general, it is our instinct, when encountering people that confront us in some challenging way, to try to exclude them from our lives as much as possible.
Should we do this? Granted, there are plenty of people around who thrive on negativity. They kill ideas before they’re even fully-conceived. They have nothing good to say about anyone, and seem to derive perverse pleasure out of stirring up arguments -- they make trouble for fun. I don’t think there is anything profitable to be gained from being in the company of that type of person, let alone listening to what they say. Are all of our critics like that, however? Can we so easily dismiss them? If we do, we might be making a serious mistake.
None of us enjoy hearing from critics or dissenters. We should realize, however, that those might be the very people we should listen to very carefully. Rarely do people learn anything worthwhile when things are going smoothly; most of our biggest life lessons come from hard times and conflict. God understands this completely, and makes use of it. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” In my kitchen, there is a knife block that contains all kinds and lengths of knives. There is also a long, tapered wand that is used for sharpening them. How do you sharpen a blade? That’s right, it happens through friction. Iron sharpens iron by rubbing together, creating heat, and knocking off the rough edges. If we are wise, we will understand that God sometimes brings people into our lives who will teach us important lessons -- and they will do it by challenging us. They make sparks, bringing friction. Although uncomfortable, being challenged is the best way to learn lessons that will last.
Because of this, the Bible also states that wise people give careful consideration to those who challenge them. Proverbs 9:8 makes this keen observation: “Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.” Proverbs 19:25 adds, “rebuke the discerning, and they will gain knowledge.” In several such verses, God teaches us that what often separates a wise person from a fool is his receptiveness to criticism. Foolish people tune it out completely, to their ruin. Wise people weigh it carefully, sift nuggets of truth from it, and learn important things about themselves which they would never have seen on their own. They learn to genuinely appreciate those who challenge them so that they may grow.
Looking back through history, I really wish that some of our leaders would have been wiser. They shouldn’t have automatically assumed that those who disagreed with them were enemies. If they had listened and heeded, some costly mistakes might have been averted.
In just the same way, I hope that you and I will gain wisdom from those who challenge us. We have an amazing capacity for self-deception, seeing only what we want to see while remaining blind to real perils to our success and well-being. It is an act of grace that God sends us people who can see clearly where we have blind spots. They are not our enemies, even though their criticism may sting. They may even seem abrasive or create sparks in our lives. Often, however, they genuinely mean us well, desiring to steer us away from disastrous mistakes. Quieting down our defensive reflexes and pausing long enough to listen and consider may do us a service for which we will be grateful our whole lives. God grant us wisdom to recognize friends that we may have initially mistaken for enemies.
